omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
