The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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