I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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