I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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