the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
