Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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