After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
