Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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