Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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