ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize