My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
