Umm I'm too high to move.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
