I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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