I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
