I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
