I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She tied me up with her honor cords...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
