She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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