Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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