I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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