so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
