Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
