you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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