Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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