I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
