My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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