Umm I'm too high to move.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
