I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
