I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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