fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
