At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
