I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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