eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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