Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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