I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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