Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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