Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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