Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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