chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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