It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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