I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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