You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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