Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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