even my farts smell like vagina
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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