One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
