Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
