marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
