hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
