how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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