This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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