I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
