i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
