i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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