it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
