Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
