shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
